In this and the following post, we are bringing you two posts focusing on current events. Posts in the “Focus” series are short takes on things with specific aims. This time, we are responding to the mental health concerns relating to the recent election of the United States with two posts highlighting distresses that have arisen for many after November 5th - one about anticipatory grief and the other one about the topic of abuse and survivorship. We will continue to explore loneliness in post #9.
When was the last time you felt profound anxiety and worry? When was the last time you caught yourself short-fused, irritated, or depressed, for something that hasn’t even happened yet? After the result of the 2024 US election, both myself and some of my colleagues observed a surge of anxiety complaints relating to politics. If you are feeling concerned about the future, we want to assure you that you are not alone, and we want you to seek support through discussions with people who are understanding.
We also urge you to keep reading even if you are living at a time and place outside of the influence of this event. Whether we are facing concerns of declining health, changing society, or shifting environments, if we feel a sense of concern, anxiety, or depression in response to future uncertainties, that is a process of grief.
2024 Election and Grief
The result of the US presidential election triggers unsettling feelings for a lot of us, especially for people of color, women, people with non-citizen immigration status, people of diverse sexual orientations and gender identifications, people with disabilities, people with cultural expressions and religious beliefs that had been associated with being US adversaries. Even though harsh policies have yet to be implemented at the time of writing this post, it is reasonable and expected to feel dread and grief feelings such as anger, fear, anxiety, and depression.
As of this moment, conservative politics pushes on agendas that take away the freedom and rights of many. As we have probably been informed, women’s bodily autonomy is being threatened by proposals for an abortion ban. Freedom of sexual, religious, and cultural expressions might be threatened. The economic outlook for younger folks is now uncertain due to a student loan system that can be burdensome. The economy might be due for a major upheaval if there is going to be mass deportation and general tariff—even if they work as a promise of bringing production back to the US, there might be a high price to pay for all of us. These are all potent symbols that can trigger perceptions of doom. However, in order for us to strive in uncertainty, we must learn about how to grieve losses and powerlessness.
Grief and Loss
Anya and Tom are a couple in their mid-40s. Anya noticed something had been “off” about her husband but she couldn’t put a finger on it. One morning, she had a call from Tom after he left for work. Tom told her that he had tripped and fell while stepping out of his car, and he was in the hospital requiring stitches. When Anya went to pick him up, Tom seemed embarrassed, remarking “I knew there was a curb there but somehow I got confused”. Confounded by his comments, Anya reflected that she did notice him forgetting things and zoning out at inappropriate times in the past six months. Since neither of them recalled any head injuries prior to Tom’s change of mental state, they decided to seek an expert’s advice.
A few days later, Tom got an appointment with a neurologist and received a battery of cognitive evaluations. The neurologist noticed signs of cognitive decline and quickly ordered further tests. At first, Anya was hopeful and believed Tom’s condition was transient and treatable. The neurologist reassured Tom it was likely something benign, even if Tom’s condition warranted an expedited investigation. All was fine until the result of his spiral fluid and PET scan was revealed. Tom received a phone call from his neurologist bearing bad news, the doctor told him that his condition was likely a case of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, an untreatable terminal illness that would probably take his life within ten years. Tom told Anya what he had heard from the doctor, and all he could see was the expression of shock and terror on her face when she heard the news. The two of them got dead silent, and then Anya cried.
Anya had never envisioned that an early-onset brain illness would be how their marriage ended. She grew up fantasizing about getting married and living a family life till a ripe old age. When she received a hysterectomy after dealing with aggressive uterine fibroid as an early adult, she felt that her dream of having biological children was taken away from her. When she met Tom, she felt accepted and loved. For the most part, Anya saw her marriage as a happy relationship, one that might fulfill her dream of being married to an old age.
However, Anya felt conflicted about Tom’s condition. On one hand, she thought the right thing to do would be to spend quality time with him until the disease progressed to an advanced stage. On the other hand, the idea of her husband being taken from her was too much to bear, and all she could feel was how depressed she was, and how much she wanted to hide away from reality. This internal conflict was so much for her, that she started to feel guilty about it. She brought it up during therapy. Her therapist shared with her that “it is normal to feel grief and loss before the loss happens”. Through working on her feelings, Anya learned to give time and space for her grief, while prioritizing time to spend with Tom.
Anticipatory Grief
Even though our loss is in the future, we as human beings might feel as if our loss is in the present. However, grief is a complex experience, and your experience might not be all anticipatory. It can be a mixture of past losses and future losses, like how Anya was grieving her husband’s illness and at the same time grieving the loss from her infertility. Or perhaps, your grief feels like it is all about the past, even if it is triggered by a current event. I want to remind you that however you might experience your grief, it is valid and not without a purpose.
Concerning the 2024 US presidential election: Some of our worries for the future may be based on personal experiences of incidences of injustice, rejection, and violence. This can make us feel as if future loss is already here with us. That is anticipatory grief. It’s important to not give up and to find ways through the trauma. I encourage you to examine and approach your emotions with curiosity—grief, loneliness, numbness, sadness, anger, depression, spurts of hope—and examine how you react to events that have yet to take place.
There are many other kinds of grief. It can be acute, prolonged, delayed, suppressed, etc. It is often an uncomfortable and confusing process. In the future, we are going to dedicate a multi-part series on this topic. However, grief is not our enemy— it is a process for us to relate to change and loss, in order to find value, meaning, and renewal.
Coping Through Taking Actions
Grief has a way of reminding us to take notice of our losses, but it also offers a path to future resiliency.
What are your narratives about loss? Is your grief over losing a person, an idea, or a long-held belief? Losing your bodily autonomy? Losing freedom, stability, or identity? Whatever is important to you, I encourage you to not be silent. I have three suggestions for your struggles:
Connect with others so you can be soothed—in times of uncertainty, the right community can help people from spiraling into isolation. Engaging with people who understand us can bring relief. Set boundaries, and be mindful of who you connect with and what you do together.
Take note of when you want to isolate yourself and dedicate time to physical activity—If you are feeling depressed and dissociated, understand these are coping mechanisms protecting you from further harm. If we can recognize that being inactive isn’t going to be helpful, we can use physical activity to show our body that it is okay and safe. If you are feeling anxious, physical activities might allow the body to satisfy its need to “take action”, returning us to a calmer state.
Focus on what you have control over.—In twelve-step programs, it is common for participants to recite The Serenity Prayer to start their meetings: Grant us the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. When we are faced with powerlessness, we have to recognize it will be futile and a waste of energy to attempt a solution that leads nowhere. However, that does not mean we are truly powerless. We simply have to put our efforts into what we are in control of. The more we feel empowered, the more we can weather the storm, no matter how bad it is.
Exercise: Constructing a Plan to Cope
Find a time and place to sit down and make a list based on the three suggestions listed above - connecting with the community, dedicating time for physical activity, and focusing on what you have control over.
List at least two ideas per suggestion of what you can do for yourself in the next seven days. Review after a week and see if there is any need to readjust the contents on the list. Repeat if needed.
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Disclaimer: Psychotherapy is a psychological service involving a client interacting with a mental health professional with the aim of assessing or improving the mental health of the client. Neither the contents of this blog, nor our podcast, is psychotherapy, or a substitute for psychotherapy. The contents of this blog may be triggering to some, so reader’s discretion is advised. If you think that any of my suggestions, ideas, or exercises mentioned in this blog are creating further distress, please discontinue reading, and seek a professional’s help.
Therapy Uncomplicated is a podcast that is meant to help people who feel alone and unsupported with their day to day struggles. We want to educate people on mental health and show it isn’t something to be afraid of. We provide the “whys” and the “hows” for a path to wellness. We are here to promote positive change by offering education and new perspectives that destroy stigmas in mental health, and encourage people to go to therapy.
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